thots

i'm sitting here on my deck
with the light from the deck room and from my computer screen
no lights on the deck itself
its dark surrounding me
kc is somewhere
he had been lying at my feet
i'm listening to the katydids
and the crickets
there is a gentle breeze, just enough to almost make it chilly
i've got my water on the table beside the computer
and i'm sitting here thinking
abt various and sundry thots

was talking to jayb for a bit
his question was guardian angels
do they exist
and also, are there angels of satan in human form
like tradition says angels of God take human form?

am thinking on how to test the spirits
how do i know that something is from God?
how do i know that something is His plan for me?

been thinking abt depression lately
and am certain thats why i've been bawling more
i hate with a passion to cry
but lately,
my thots have been burrowing into the muck of my life
and its depressing me

and i'm thinking abt that tiny scrawny black kitty
if it knew what was good for it, it would have stayed around
it would have crossed those last several inches to me
it acted like i do
refuse to trust Anyone enough to make a few steps to Someone who cares
all because it thinks its all alone in life

been thinking abt peaches too
with as much troubles as she has in her life
she still takes time for me
she asks me "how are YOU doing?"

i'm listening to an owl whooooo in the distance
and traffic noises from the main highway are muffled
the pager is squawking, i should just shut it off

i'm thinking abt the events yesterday in the ER and my calls
such sadness with lasting repercussions
such insanity with lasting deformities
such anxiety with quite possibly an ulterior motive

and i'm thinking of ai
such a sad life she has
is she one of the least of these?

i guess thats enough of thots for now