imposition

i read this xanga today, that was talking abt the 4 temperments,
and that he has difficulty forming relationships because he never wants to impose on others
he called it NF iNtuitive Feeling
well, thats me
i feel like an imposition, when i start to get close to someone, so i pull away

but the really funny thing is?
is the fact that i have deduced that time is very important to me
someone spending real time with me is how i know they love me
altho i would never dare assume that, for fear i would be wrong

like kc
he has to be in the same room i am
he sleeps facing me, whether it be on the floor by my bed, a chair beside me, or at the foot end of my bed
in fact, once he was sleeping, and i turned my head away from him, and snuggled down
and he promptly meowed, got up and moved to the other side of my bed
he had to see my face
he wants to be with me, he loves me, even if he is only a cat

and i so enjoy when folks call me up to do something with me
but i'm dont like calling others, because that makes them feel like they have to spend time with me
makes me feel like i'm begging someone to spend time with me
and there is always a point in time that i start to feel smothered, before i accept someone

seems like i have 2 parts of me warring with each other all the time
no wonder i'm so messed up