matthew

had a call this evening, that sorta sent me back in time.
we get dispatched for cp, get on scene, get loaded, im driving
husband of the pt gets up front with me

and i ask him his name, he tells me,
and i said, you had my baby brother for awhile
he says you're ***'s daughter, arent you? yes
and he starts in, they thot matthew was going to pull thru
they were really shocked when he died.

my baby bro was born in feb 83, died in oct 83
he had severe combined immuno deficiency disease
ever hear of hte bubble boy? same disease my baby bro had

for some reason, and im not sure why, matthew was over at their place for a period of time, while he was sick. we kids were all little, i was 12, tim would have been 5 i believe, and i dont know if mom was exhausted or what. i remember being over there, one day, and i was holding him, and a relative came and asked to hold him. i wasnt thrilled, but i left her hold him, and that night he died. she felt so bad, that she had made me give him up, on my very last chance to hold him, that she gave me a piece of material, that had been my great grams. the part that i remember the best, tho, is he went to hershey, in the middle of hte night, and lena mae came to baby sit us while mom and dad left. she kept us home from school that morning which i thot was odd. and then, mom and dad came home in the middle of hte morning, and i knew

mom told me once, (she doesnt often talk abt it), that he had died several month earlier while in the hosp, and while she was holding him, after they had pronounced him, she realized he was breathing again. like i said, she doesnt often talk abt it. she said, tho, that ever after that, he had the most peaceful look abt him, all the time. she wondered what he had experienced, and wished that he could tell her.

major trip back in time going on tonight