decision

kc is lying at my feet
and i cant stretch out, cause i if i do, i'll disturb him
but my one foot is cold
and i'd like to cover it up with the other one

today has been a good day
got all my charts caught up
and copied
and seperated
and ready for c on monday

made myself chix salad this evening
sauteed some chx breast, then put it on my salad, dumped some chz on it
and then put a lid on it to melt the chz
italian dressing
twas scrumptious
gonna have to do it again
maybe even tomorrow

md is back again
and seems to be running smoothly
which i am very thankful for
tis very nice to be back home again
even if it is a bit slow

my thots may soon be making it into real life
instead of just blogging abt it
that is, if i can keep up the momentum
funny thing is
i feel as if someone else made the decision for me
and i'm only following thru

its an interesting concept, this idea of prayer warriors
cause i'm convinced that's why i'm at where i am now

OT

when i left work last evening, i was gloating over the fact that i have the entire wkend off, that i dont have to work OT at all this wk. so i told g, if you have a call off, dont call me, cause i'll prob give up and come in, and ruin my only full wkend off in several month
he just laughed at me

well
i was at walmart this evening
i have a love/hate relationship with that place btw
spent 130.00 there, this evening
and while i was standing in the cat food/litter aisle
my phone beeps
its m
will you work for me tomorrow?
i have things i'd like to do, and i've been here at the fame all day yesterday and today
and i know what its like
he's been working non stop the last while for us and the fame
and he has a kid
and he needs to spend some time with his kid
so
i told him i'd work tomorrow

at least its jco
which means i can get acquainted with my chair
and i can get my 3 charts done from yesterday
instead of waiting until monday, when c will be breathing down my neck
so, i guess its a good thing
and its OT for me
so thats even better

but i was so looking forwards to having a normal 3 day wkend off

sneaky

went in to work with 6 charts to do,
and got 2 more in the course of hte day
so thats a total of 8 charts to be done
i got 5 of them done
which leaves me with 3
thats a pretty good days work, i must say
cause i dont like charts
i'm not fond of doing them
and so i was quite pleased with what i got accomplished today

then of course the pager had to go at 6 pm
i wasnt fond of that
but i got my jollies out of it!
i sent the truck back to central with j
and asked her to give k the keys
and k had to put the truck in service as soon as she came in
instead of having 45 min of guaranteed no calls cause i had a late call
and if you have no clue what i just wrote?
dont worry abt it
just know that i felt really sneaky and i loved it!!!

missie:
i need to apologize to you, when i next see you

random

random thots coming up
no need to read, if you have no desire to

that bacon was quite good, wish i had more
the cole slaw was much better after i added more drsg to it
kc is whining, he wants to go out
yetter is the best, met me on scene and took the late call
watching guys trying not to puke because of puke is great fun
i get to laugh at them!
not so fun is cleaning the first due bag after it gets puked in
still wish i had more bacon
my music choices are back to normal again

random thots seem to have slowed down

---

meltdown 

pessimism

oh wow
i just read down over this page
and it sounds quite pessimistic
now i cant have that!!

so, let see, how can i remedy that?
its a lovely day today
chilly but nice
headed towards fall quickly
leaves are starting to color, starting to fall

brought in another head of cabbage last night
picked enough beans to cook up for my supper
so, i had beans and cole slaw for supper
with a few slices of bacon in the beans
it was quite good
never realized it was so much fun to go out to the garden and bring something in for supper!

talked to lwd again last night out by the garden
and ml is having a hard time
her ca is back with a vengeance
and thats not a good thing

and i ended up with another pessimistic post

scared

well....
i now have 2 books i'm scared to read/study
this one is "Losing Weight Permanently" by Gregory L Jantz, Ph.D.
got it on my kansas trip
and was looking thru it today,
and started crying
it focuses on emotional toxins
intimacy with others
self esteem
past hurts and abuse and patterns
and more, i'm sure

all the stuff that i am afraid to look at

resolve

i've got such a weak resolve
made myself 2 sandwiches and took them along for lunch today
after all, after my 37.00 mcd meal, i've been getting a bit more stingy with my money
had a 10.00 bill that i was not going to spend
nope, not gonna spend it today

wellllll
d comes downstairs from acls class
what are we doing for dinner? he asks
i came down to eat with you
well, what do you want to do?
kfc sounds good to me, is his answer

so, my poor little sandwiches get stood up for kfc
and i spent 7.00 on dinner today
grrrr

isnt that just typical of me
easily persuaded if someone shows a bit of interest

gotta admit, tho, kfc was much better than those sandwiches would have been!

butt

tonight, i am thankful for medical command physicians
dr m saved my butt, today 

grumpy

grumpy grumpy again
headache, stomach ache
tired enough to fall asleep right now
much more vocal and argumentative
anyone wanna tell me whats wrong with me?

btw, kc loves chasing little flying objects
i'm watching him chase a fly, just now
i watched him catch and eat a fly the other day

clean

we had the station picnic today at my place
and it was very poorly attended
lwd n ml
mom, dad, me
f and r
and thats it

and during the picnic
miss neighborgirl came around again, for the first since the black kitty
her dad was over to chat for a few minutes as well
and then, she came back over, and
i played hide n seek with her
NOT my idea of fun!

but i'm thinking as i was cleaning up afterwards
i've been here, for over a yr, now, and its still much cleaner than the appt
i'd never let anyone into the appt, because i was ashamed of what it looked like
i made no attempt to keep it clean
it didnt matter to me,
no one ever came to see me anyways, so why bother to clean it?
but yet i wouldnt let anyone in, cause it wasnt clean

but now
i've been doing a much much better job of keeping things clean
of keeping dishes washed up
of cooking, making myself food to eat, of cooking for others
mom and i swapped my cole slaw and beans for her scalloped potatoes today
of having folks here
of folks staying over night
and even had this sudden idea, as i was sitting in the yard with the others today
i need to bake cookies for christmas, for all the neighbors
now a person CANT get much more domesticated than that

i guess maybe i need to accept the fact that i've finally become a typical old maid
i guess maybe i'll be the old maid aunt and give all my attentions to nieces/nephews
i guess maybe i need to accept the fact that i'm the "funny" lady with a cat

endearing

kc has been quite certain to stay close by me, these past few days
its endearing, i must say
he'll come racing up the stairs to make sure i'm still here
he sleeps snuggled up against me
or even lying on my chest
that gets a bit annoying, after bit

today

today has been nice
got up when i wanted to
nothing besides kc to wake me
then out to the garden
pulled weeds
picked beans
pulled a few carrots
cut off a cabbage
decided to let the pepper on the stalk for now
did laundry
did dishes
made myself dinner
angel hair spaghetti and dumped some alfredo sauce over it
(had to empty the jar, ya know)
had some black raspberry ice cream later
cleaned the carrots
cleaned the cabbage
snapped and washed the beans
and stuck em all in the frig
j showed up
wanted the iodine that mom left here
from when we doctored kc's infected incision from his denutting
they've got a goat that has a sore
iodine will work nicely, i must say
hung up on 2 telemarketers
talked to cs abt his ambulance bill

and i guess thats abt hte extent of today excursions
x for the net, of course

now tomorrow, its time to get back into the grind of things
working tomorrow and thur
need to make my list of to-do's again
station picnic at my place on sat
and also, fri night, i believe i'm hosting someone
a school teachers convention in the valley
and they need places for folks to stay
when i sent in my form, i put on it, "air mattress on the floor, and a cat in the house
if this is ok, i'll take 2"
so, i need to do some cleaning
need to stop at walmart, or giant
or somewhere
first tho, i need to make my shopping list

this past wk was good
the train ride was interesting
we got to see the backside of america
had a drunk in the seat behind us for awhile, coming out of chicago
at least he wasnt a mean drunk
i'd have had to grump, if that was the case
and of course mr hot air
altho eavesdropping on his conversation with his seat mate was fun
hey, dont look at me like that
when a guy is one seat behind you
and he talks loud enough that half the train can hear
of course i'm gonna listen to his stories!
after all, he has done everything
no matter what seat mate says, he had been good at that job too

sunday's sermon was on un-forgiveness and walls,
which turns into bitterness and malice towards the person you cant forgive
(malice he described as that "serves him right feeling" that a person has when they hear that someone had a bit of misfortune)
and i've come to the conclusion that not being able to forgive self turns the bitterness and malice on self
and creates self hatred, and depression, which basically is saying, you got exactly what you deserved, you dont deserve anything nice, and all those other probs that go along with it
so now
now comes the hard part
you know how hard its going to be to sit down and write out everything that i hold against myself?
stuff thats been rolling in my mind, but i have refused to think abt?
stuff that i have put behind walls?
you know how hard it is, to accept God's forgiveness?
when i cant even forgive myself?

home again

well, folks, i am home!
and kc is overjoyed to see me
mom says he missed me severely

i'm overjoyed to be back in my own bed again
even got home at a decent hr

my trip to kansas was good
travelled by train on the way out,
got to see "the backside of america"
that will be our phrase for this trip!

had a good several days out there
got m and h married off
met a second cousin who i went to school with, a loooooong time ago
saw this kid running around, said, that has got to be a raymond t
and sure enough, it was a grandson of his

came home then, by car
5 in the car
a bit crowded, but we managed
its just part of the adventure of travelling

and come back to find out that i didnt miss much on md
cause its been down more than its been up
i picked a good wk to go on an md fast!

train

well, here it is
well, almost here, i guess
leaving tomorrow for my first real train ride
on amtrak that is

gonna be an experience
the only time i was on an amtrak train
was the day that we picked a code off the train
when it stopped at the crossing

at the same crossing, they dumped off an OD, one time
and at the same crossing, we flew a guy who got hit by a train
that day was fun
i got to crawl underneath the train to the other side
cause the train had the crossing blocked

and i think thats pretty much the extent of my train experiences

busy

now i'm gonna be a bit grumpy
i behaved all day
got a lot accomplished today
stayed off the net for the most part
and now......
now md is down
grrrr
i was all set to relax with md and friends

oh well
good practice i guess for next wk

i got up this morning
well, closer to noon than morning, i guess
and out to the garden
picked the beans
and cut off a head of cabbage
and pulled several carrots
before it started raining
and its a good thing i did that first
cause it hasnt stopped raining since

and then
i scrubbed my kitchen floor
on hands and knees
havent scrubbed it since i moved here
just mopped it each time
vacuumed the whole house
swept off the porch

i cooked corn on the cob for my supper
and had hash browns

finished my dress too
at 11 pm, i might add